The SAT

"The Nation that makes a great distinction between its scholars and its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools."
                                                           - Thucydides

    This morning SPC Frances was taking a practicing test for the SAT, and asked me if I would help him with an especially difficult question.  I read through the question and dissected it for him, pointing out the definitions for each of the myriad terms.  He settled on the correct answer, and happily continued on with the test. 

     I promptly forgot about the incident and went back to putting together a safety class for my soldiers.  Seriously.  As I sat there fabricating a powerpoint presentation I was struck by the incongruity between reality and my tasking.  I was sitting at my desk in the middle of a war zone making a briefing for soldiers in combat about how to stay safe.  As I built the class I realized there were some valid points that needed to be covered, but it still felt wrong. 

     After lunch I pulled together my soldiers and several other troops from other shops and hammered through the briefings.  I spent a good hour covering all the issues and then turned off the slides and happily transitioned back to mission. A few minutes later the shop emptied and SPC Frances slowly approached my desk and asked permission to ask a question.  I agreed, pushed my paperwork away, and leaned back in preparation for another SAT question.  As I waited for the question SPC Frances started fumbling for words, only managing to get out “you don’t have to answer”.  I patiently waited until he finished, and then told him to fire away.  When he finally managed to string together the question I was shocked by the blunt impact of the words.  The flicker of pain came not for the content of his question, but from its unspoken implications.  What SPC Frances said as he sheepishly stood before my desk staring at the floor was “Sir, you’re like, ummmm, you know, really smart.  And you’re doing this when you could ummmm, you know, so many other things.  Don’t you wish you were, ummm doing something better?”. 

     The question is one I’ve heard from several well meaning individuals, but never, ever from a soldier.  If it were possible I would have torn the implicit assumption that question housed and crushed it beneath my muddy heels.  Because wrapped in that question like two fat maggots in an otherwise perfect roast sits two false postulates that have poisoned many clear thinking individuals.  The first deadly lie is that soldiers are stupid.  The second is that the Army is a dumping ground for people with no other options. 

     I paused for a long moment after SPC Frances asked his question, unsure of how to answer the question and simultaneously leach its poisonous implications. And then I stood up, told SPC Frances to follow me out of the TOC, and we went outside to sit in the sun and talk.  I had hoped the desert sunlight might somehow burn away the bitter responses that were welling up like raw crude.  Instead I walked into the acrid smell of burnt plastic, which seemed fine tuned to match the frequency of my heart. 

     By time we were outside I had stalled long enough, and I started to talk.  I spoke from experience, and I spoke from the heart.  I told him about the misery of feeling my feet rot in the swamps of Florida during ranger school.  I told him about getting stuck in knee deep mud during a blinding deluge in Germany. I talked about having to pull my frozen finger off the trigger while riding through the Balkan winter.  I talked about the string of missed birthdays, holidays and weddings I never had the opportunity to celebrate. And I told him about living in the sun stoked furnace that was Kuwait in the summer.  I purged all the collective misery of my decade in the service.  Having finished my impromptu confession I paused for a long moment, letting SPC Frances absorb the full weight of my response.

     As the silence stretched like a teardrop waiting to fall I broke the silence and told him that I would do it all over again.  His face contorted into a mask of disbelief, his jaw drooping slightly from the strain of following this verbal about-face.  His lips shaped the word “Why?” but there was no breath to give it voice. 

     Before answering him I told him about how part of my heart chipped off when I looked into a mass grave in Bosnia.  How for days after my dreams were clouded with an image of the very earth opening a yawning pit to engulf the dead, only to choke on their numbers and leave them on the surface half swallowed.  I talked about countries where famine and disease left people whose bodies left shadows that gave the illusion you were looking at a photographic negative of a skeleton.  About places where the only rule of law was the brutal and unswerving laws of physics and ballistics and the only peace one could hope for was the grave.  And the story that did not need telling, the story of our ongoing struggle with insurgents who revel in the misery and deaths they cause our forces and the Iraqis.

     As I finished I noticed my mouth was dry and I had to take a long draw of water before continuing.  When I slaked my thirst I told SPC Frances to close his eyes and I would tell him why.  As he closed his eyes I told him to imagine his young wife, his beautiful infant daughter and the future he wanted for them.  He paused a moment and a smile slowly creased his face. As he looked up I caught his eyes and told him a simple truth.  I told him that the thin line that separates the two realities isn’t a line on a map or the signature block on a document filled with hollow proclamations.  The dividing line between the two kingdoms is a long line of soldiers.  And that is why I’m proud to call myself a soldier.  Its not about a lack of options, or the size of my paycheck.  Its about what kind of world I want to leave for my children if I am lucky enough to be a father. 

     SPC Frances thanked me for the explanation and moved back into the office.  I don’t if the words resonated but as he walked away SPC Frances seemed to stand a little taller and step with a little more confidence.  As he should... as he should.

Comments

[Willful Exposé]

I think that's beautiful and incredible. Thank you. I will be back to read more.

[HomefrontSix]

All I have to say is "wow". I'm speechless and, for me, that is saying a lot.

[Storm_Crow]

Sir (Storm6), Most and all believe that Soldiers are agents of destuction. This!! both you and I know to be definitly not true. A Soldier's TRUE INTENT IS AND ALWAYS BE A COMMITMENT TO PROVIDE THE DEFENSE FOR THOSE LESS ABLE TO DEFEND FOR THEM SELVES, TO PROVIDE THAT WHAT IS NEEDED WHEN NO OTHER CAN, TO SACRIFICE ONE'S SELF IN PLACE OF ANOTHER IN THE NAME OF PEACE OR WAR. These words are not noted anywhere in time or history, but we and those who've served know them well since the beginning of time.

[Morgan]

Sir- Thank you for this article and for this blog. My brother is deeply religious and was a Ranger for a while, but he finally concluded that complete and utter pacifism is what Jesus asks of us. I don't believe that. I believe Jesus wants us to be good men...or women :D. I believe that to be such a good person you need to be willing to defend and protect others. This article really hit home. Thank you. Morg

[Mark]

I have a two hour commute and load material off the Internet into my laptop before starting my drive. The computer reads to me as I drive down the road. I've done this since 2000, and before 2000, listened to books on tape. Over the last 15 years, I've listened to a lot of words while driving down the road. This afternoon, I happened upon your site and downloaded about two weeks of the March posts. Your posts were not the first files I listened to, but they were some of the best I've ever heard. I only got through 75% of the material. It was a lot of fun sharing the pickup truck with you. The SAT post was exceptionally moving. We all need to hear those words! Thanks for being there on the dividing line.

[elizabeth]

i'm a Navy brat, and i've had friends in the military for a long time. i live in an Army town. i thought i understood why someone would join; reading this post i realized i had only the vaguest idea. the eloquence with which you express your reasons gives me a whole new level of respect for servicemen. and while i am not guilty of the "soldiers are stupid" fallacy (having known too many of them), i am rethinking some of my old assumptions.

[Tony Lekas]

To Dave who asked: "But I can't help but think of all the innocent civilians who have lost family members because of this war. Both on the Iraqi and American side. Was our freedom ever at risk?" One Iraqi's answer to whether the cost was worth it is at: http://democracyiniraq.blogspot.com/2005/03/2-years.html I cannot answer for those on the American side who have lost family members. I do not currently have family members in the military, although I have in the past. Ask T6 and others who are serving if they think the risk is worth it. Concerning risk to the US. I do believe that the fewer people live in tyrannies the fewer will be interested in attacking others, including us. For some perspactive on this read Natan Sharansky's book "The Case For Democracy: The Power of Freedom to Overcome Tyranny and Terror" As technology advances and makes it easier for a few to cause great harm the more important this will be.

[Erin from Boston]

I just read this. Let me just say that I experienced first hand the aftermath of a heart chipping due to these horrors in Bosnia. I only wish I could have known at the time what was happening. I feel a sort of guilt that I didn’t have the opportunity to understand or be a shoulder to cry on. There is rarely a day that goes by when I am not saddened by what happened over there and what is happening now in Iraq. It’s been 9 years since I had friends like Dan in Bosnia, but it is definitely not something I will ever get over- how someone’s experience over there could completely change the person you loved. I have always been frustrated by the overwhelming number of Americans who will never understand the horrors of a “peacekeeping mission”. I can only deal with Iraq by not watching the news or reading the papers, not that I don’t care, but because I have never found a way to cope with it. I will never find the words to express how amazing our soldiers are. If there is anyone out there who was stationed in Baulmholder in 1995 (who knows me and good old Scott’s in Luxembourg :)), drop me an e-mail. I’d love to hear from you. -“Erin from Boston”

[Jim Delahunty]

Dan, For the last ten years I have struggled with your decision of joining the army. I thank my lucky stars I wasn’t around when you made the choice. You always could talk me into doing some stupid things, Mount Baldy with no gear, camping in the desert by your grandmother’s house on that oh so cold night. I have a feeling I would still be right there by your side like always. I never really understood until I read this entry. I am so proud of you and I miss you. Come home safe and we can have some Mac and Cheese. Jim Delahunty drop me a line if you get a chance

[redleg]

fantastic words and deeds Thank you for your service I am getting on a plane in 4 days for my 2nd All American Afghan tour. Few understand except for those who have been there

[SFC Ski]

Outstanding, sir, outstanding!

[What?]

Wow an amazing post! I have just recently found your blog. With the Green Side and Questing Cat now out of the Sand Box I will be reading your blog often. May God keep you and the rest of our brave men and women, coalition troops, and Iraqi allies safe and give you peace.

[Alan E Brain]

It's Americans like you that make me glad we're allies. in the fine details, we differ. On the important issues, we're identical. All the best from Australia.

[JoeS]

Thank You, friend. May I print it and put it up in my classroom? I will credit your page. My students are starving for role models with message. God bless you, We will pray for you by name from now on. Joe and Jade Sackett Long Beach, CA

[Frank Warner]

Nearly two years ago, I phoned my father, an Army veteran of World War II and Vietnam, and told him to turn on the TV. “Look, Pop,” I said, “the Iraqis are celebrating your birthday!” It was April 9, 2003, and on every news channel, the cameras were focused on Firdos Square in Baghdad, where a few newly liberated Iraqis were hammering at that big statue of Saddam Hussein. “Freedom,” I said, thinking of those who were risking everything for it. “It’s worth a lot.” My father understood much better than I. “Freedom,” he said. “Some people don’t even know what it is. They look in their hand and see nothing.” My father died last year, but that thought remains with me. The most important thing we have – freedom – is something we can’t see. And because it is invisible, some believe it is not that important. Your post made me think of that again. Freedom prevents the murders of hundreds of thousands – and sometimes tens of millions – that dictators commit at their whim. Freedom prevents democracies from going to war with other democracies. Freedom is a whole lot more fun than repression. Yet we are too willing to view it – or to ignore it altogether – as the natural environment. Until the whole world is free, all people depend on one relatively small and unusually brave group of people to defend freedom and to give the oppressed some hope of liberation. That brave group is the armed forces of the United States.

[Jason Newcomb]

Yeah. I liked this part: " The first deadly lie is that soldiers are stupid. The second is that the Army is a dumping ground for people with no other options. " Thanks Brother.

[Dave]

Reading your blog almost made me forget my own feelings about this war. Your genuine belief in our country, in our freedom. Your earnest appeal to help others in need. However I can't help but question this country that you risk your life for everyday. I agree that our freedom is unparalled, and I would never wish to live under a brutal regime. But I can't help but think of all the innocent civilians who have lost family members because of this war. Both on the Iraqi and American side. Was our freedom ever at risk? The current administration has changed their story so many times about why we should fight this war that I can no longer keep track. First weapons of mass destruction, now iraqi freedom. Which is better, living under a brutal dictator? Or having your whole family killed by an occupying force in the name of freedom? The media here doesn't give us an accurate picture of the war, the death the destruction. They would rather have segments on breast augumentation, and Michael Jacksons antics. I think I see 30 seconds of coverage a day on the war, if that. Meanwhile social security is getting axed, along with medicaid. The rich are getting tax cuts, and the poor can't file for chapter 7 banckruptcy anymore. Jobs are being lost to India. Unemployment and the national debt is rising and corporations are running the show. We are paying children in Taiwan 5 cents a day to make nike sneakers, and polluting the water and air in third world countries. I guess what I'm saying is look around, America is running the show, but it sure isn't this pillar of morality. The almighty dollar is what rules here. At the expense of everyone else. As americans our jobs are at risk everyday, in the blink of an eye it could be lost to a worker in Mexico that has no other choice but to work for a dollar a week. But America doesn't see this, the media doesn't show this. It is all very sad. Never the less I do not judge those who risk their lives for this country, in fact I think them to be brave. I just hope that the wool gets pulled from our eyes soon.

[Danny Taggart]

The Apologist: I'd also like to familiarize myself with military jargon, procedures, and philosophy. Is there some kind of club like this? Yeah. It's called the Army.

[The Apologist]

"I know shamefully little of the military or the people in it. What I like about your blog is that it lets someone like me know a little something a world I would normally never encounter. I think, too often, we deal with a cliche'd idea of the other. Your writing forces me to see the individual behind the image. Thank you." I've seen these sentiments around mil-blogs alot. I agree with them and I wonder if there isn't a place civilians can go or an organization we can join to get to know our servicemen and women better. I'd also like to familiarize myself with military jargon, procedures, and philosophy. Is there some kind of club like this?

[pst314]

My aging eyes agree that white on black is hard to read. But your words sure are good to read.

[AJ]

It is your writing that proves what you said to SPC Frances is true. Thank you for your service and your writing.

[Solomon2]

For all our soldiers: Iraq and America the Beautiful

[twd]

RIGHT ON! I just graduated from a top-20 law school. I enlisted in the Army at 17, and the Army sent me to school and commissioned me after a few years of enlisted service. I did very well in college, served as an officer, got out to got to law school, smoked the LSATs, and kicked butt in law school. And I was never, ever, ever even the 3rd smartest guy in my infantry company. Or 4th. Maybe 5th, but that is being kind of arrogant on my part. The smartest guys I ever have had the honor to know all wore BDUs. My theory is that those who don't serve in an all-volunteer military feel some guilt when confronted with those who do, and they explain it away to themselves by convincing themselves that they were "too smart" or had "opportunities." Everytime a reporter would write about a unit I was in they would find the kid with the GED from the bad neighborhood and write a "poor dumb kid makes good" story. They would ignore the enlisted guys with bachelors and masters degrees, the guys who turned deferred college to finish a tour or "get" to go to Ranger school by extending, etc. They also report that few enlisted troops have degrees when compared to the population at large, leading to the insinuation that college-bound kids don't go in the military. Of course they don't include the NCOs and certainly not the officers. I wonder how people would take it if I reported that freshmen in college weren't college material because none of them have degrees? Most people do college AFTER serving, not before, and everybody in the military knows the best recruiting tool the military has is the GI bill. Somehow reporters still are convinced that GIs aren't usually smart enough for college. And thus soldiers, especially younger soldiers, sometimes get the impression they are inferior. I've seen reporters interview soldiers. Not all, but many, are condescending. Wonder why college-educated brilliant officers aren't? Because they know the soldiers are SUPERIOR, not inferior. But kids that join the military aren't as "feted" as kids that go to college, and your SPC was just relaying the impressions he has been given all his life by the media, by his teachers, by his peers. God bless him that he had the 'nads to ask you about it. The cognitive dissonance must have been gnawing at him. And God bless you for setting him straight. The smartest guy I ever knew was an NCO with no degree. He was twice as smart as anybody in the battalion and everybody knew it. And like I said, I kicked ass in a prestigious and challenging and intellectually intensive top-20 law school. I wasn't smart enough to shine that guy's boots. Those that don't pass the ASVAB stay civilians. Why assume soldiers are less intelligent or have fewer opportunities? Because it alleviates the guilt felt by those who didn't serve and have come to realize what citizenship means in a true republic. Service is ONLY for those with other options. Those smart enough to excel in the military will find civilian life less challenging in every way with one exception: civilian life is not a meritocracy. The Army is. TWD

[Dennis]

The pen is mightier than the sword, unfortunately both are needed. Freedom's cause and the minds of our youth are in good hands as long as men like you are at the front. God bless you.

[Shelle]

And that is why my husband is a soldier too. Bless you!! I'm going to tell my husband about your blog. His is: http://www.asscrackistan.blogspot.com You two have similar writing styles. :) Stay safe!