Balance

     There are days where pain seeps into your veins like a venom, slowing only to settle in marrow deep pools.  There are days where no amount of rest can crack the adamantine circlets of fatigue that seem to bind your frame.  There are days where memories of home seem like a cracked and faded picture, leaving just faded impressions shorn of all the subtle shadings that made the moment unique and special. When these days come they bear down on your heart like a steel press. 

     But there is symmetry to all things under heaven, and for every suffering there is a joy of equal measure. It doesn’t always come instantly, but it always seems to come. On the days where the carrion birds circle your consciousness that knowledge alone can be enough to ward off the darkness and mend the hurt.

     Sometimes felicity is writ large, like the cool desert mornings where the sun stains the horizon with sublime banners of crimson and gold. There are other times where satisfaction flows from being in the company of so many tough and determined soldiers. At other times joy comes from little more then seeing my name scrawled on a care package, the familiar words as intoxicating as the finest liquor. But all of these lesser joys pale in comparison to the raw sense of bliss that comes from just being alive another day. Life is something all too easily taken for granted, its brilliance muffled beneath an avalanche of the unimportant and unnecessary dramas of being. But out here you see firsthand just how tenuous the thread of life can be, and that awareness makes every pulse of your heart something strange and miraculous.

     When this mission comes to a close I’ll carry back memories as sharp as razors, and there will be times when they continue to cut. There is no use bemoaning that reality, it simply is. I’m alright with that, if nothing else those memories will focus my attention on what has real value in this world. It isn’t anything as empty as money, or as base as fame. It’s the simple things that brought me joy even here in the middle of combat. My loving wife. My family. The company of good friends.  Nature in all her incarnations.  After all this I don’t think I’ll ever take any of them for granted.

Comments

[Ellie Wood]

I read about weblogs from Iraq in the Dutch equivalent to Times magazine that I subscibe to. I hurried to me computer and started reading. You have my sympathy and my prayers.I hope all of you make it home to your loved ones in one piece and continue to have a happy, well balanced life.

[Weaser]

Those are really powerful and moving words and I'm sorry for whatever prompted them, I can only imagine. As always, my prays are with you and everyone over there.

[Suellen]

Going through something like this changes you. It just does. My father was a WWII vet and German POW for a year. After living through that, he was so much more appreciative of all the blessings that he had at home. He never hoped to do great things or to amass wealth. He just wanted to come back to his little patch of the world and be the best husband and citizen and father that he could be. I think he accomplished that. Here's hoping that you get back to your own little patch of the world soon.

[TODD]

T-6 Thanks troop. Just when I think I am having a bad day, I start to wonder how you boys are doing over there. Good to see you post. Stay safe and keep the faith.....

[David]

Balance is the key to life and quite often it takes being placed in a moment in time that almost takes away all you have to make you realize that. Keep strong brother. David M.

[PrimoDonna]

Your entry today is so expressive that I can't put my feelings into words. It brought tears to my eyes. I pray that God wraps His protective arms around you so that you can return to your wife, family, and friends. May God bless you and all the other Soldiers.