The Silence of the Lambs

     For the most part Iraqi cuisine is relatively simple fare, heavy on regional staples like pita bread, rice, and lamb.  So when our commander, CPT Mac, decided to ask his Iraqi counterpart for a authentic Iraqi meal he was totally unprepared for what appeared in front of him.      

     His first inkling that this was no ordinary meal was when one of the Iraqis placed oversize bowls in front of each of the invited guests.  Calling the cavernous dishes bowls stretches the definition to the breaking point – these curved plastic dishes were large enough to mix a batch of concrete in.  Each bowl was carefully lined with steaming layers of pita bread, giving the impression the dining table was marred by great bread lined craters.   Any reservations CPT Mac might have had about the strange bowls were countered by the excited faces of his Iraqi hosts, who were scarcely able to contain their ravenous excitement as the bowls were carefully laid out.      

     A minute later the cook wheeled out an enormous steaming pot – his sweaty face beaming with the singular pride of a father bringing a Thanksgiving turkey to the table.  He wheeled the pot over to CPT Mac and carefully placed the main course in the middle of the bowl.  The cooks obvious pride in his culinary masterpiece did little to assuage CPT Mac’s shock when he realized his meal was staring back at him.  To his credit CPT Mac didn’t let the Iraqi’s see his sudden wave of nausea, but in that instant all the Americans suddenly regretted asking their hosts for an authentic Iraqi dinner.     

     The delicacy that looked back at CPT Mac was the apex of Iraqi cusine – fresh, boiled sheeps head.  And when I say whole – I mean whole.  Apparently the entire preparation involved little more then cutting the head off and dumping it in a vat of boiling water.  The cook made his way around the table, gently placing a steaming head on every dish with practiced care.   By this point the Iraqis could no longer contain themselves, and the entire scene started to look like a clip from an Indiana Jones movie.  The Iraqis used their bare hands to eagerly tear chunks of meat off the sheep’s heads, pausing only to pull of clumps of matted wool.  For a few minutes all conversations ceased, and the room filled with the happy sounds of eating. Two of the senior NCOs decided to make a game of the dinner, and spent the next few minutes daring each other to eat random pieces of the head.  After a few rounds of “eat the mystery body part” they finally dared each other to eat the animals eyeball.  As the first NCO sucked out the eyeball his face took on a decidedly pale shade of grey and the contest quickly ended.  CPT Mac did his best to appear to enjoy the meal, pushing the head around the plate and pretending to place pieces in folded pockets of empty pita bread.  But the Iraqi sitting next to him wasn’t fooled for a moment, and figured the CPT’s reticence was due to the lack of eating utensils.  He turned to CPT Mac, gave a broad and brain spattered smile, and reached over to help the commander with his meal.  He pushed his hands into the braincase and started to pull out quivering, glistening morsels.  As he pulled out each piece he would hold the piece for the commander’s inspection, as if it were a rare and luxurious pearl snatched from the seafloor.  Although the Iraqi was doing his best to be a gracious host, the sight of the Iraqi’s dirt stained hands pushing their way into the animals skull was almost too much for CPT Mac to bear.  As the Iraqi offered the pile of slippery chunks to the commander all he could manage was a weak smile.  Fortunately the Iraqi wasn’t offended, happily munching away at the shuddering mass he had so assiduously pulled from the sheep’s head.        

     Later, as I relayed the story to Naz (one of our interpreters) he looked at me with stunned disbelief.  Naz snorted out “You mean the commander didn’t like the head”.  When I explained that eating a sheeps head wasn’t part of America’s culinary tradition he just shook his head and said “When I buy 4 sheep heads for the interpreters it is never enough – we eat the s**t out of the head”.  As he said this he was practically drooling at the memory of his last meal.  I spent the next few minutes listening to Naz explain the nuances of this particular dish, and by time he finished I resolved to avoid this dish at all costs.  I may have a cast iron stomach… but sucking the brain out of an intact sheep’s head is a little much.  MREs never sounded so good.

Comments

[Derek]

This Story is classic I was drinking a beer with my friend watching the Texas OU game while reading this and spit my beer all over my monitor. This story is a Classic man

[radtec]

Lets see..here in the states, folks down south love to 'pinch the tail and suck the head' on crawfish. (I live in the midwest, and we use them as bait..not an appetizer!) There are cow tongues, pickled pigs feet, regular pigs feet, Tripe (for pete's sake) and a host of other 'parts and pieces' that people eat all the time. Maybe it's because we 'de-face' our critters first, that makes it seem offensive to see the 'whole product' floating in a bowl. I would have just hurled myself. I can't stand to see a fish on ice looking at me. Seeing a sheeps head in a bowl is just too much! Semper Fi! A Marine's Mom

[RobC]

Sheep head is not on my preffered list either but here in South Africa it gets roasted in the oven and is considered a delicacy by many an Afrikaner as well as the Africans... however as a Haggis eater I can relate but then I never wach how it is put together so to speak. :-) The fact that the locals made you and the other soldiers a traditional delicacy shows the high esteem they place in you and the troops, plus it is always fun getting "furriners" to try your fare even if they may turn green. One does not waste good food on someone you do not like.

[Huntress]

Oh look - that pond scum known as editorinferno has resurfaced like the piece of fungus that he is...using yet another screenname..makprofesional. Can't speak english, can't write, can't understand what he reads, and has Danjel confused with Al Zarquawi and Saddam (who has just admitted to HIS rapes and massacres)and he pretends to be an Iraqi.... Hey Mak...your village called...their idiot is missing. Dan: I remember visiting relatives in the Middle East....who spoke only arabic and french. They pointed to califlower at the market, and asked if I wanted that for dinner. I said, yeah..I love it steamed.. and so they bought it, steamed it, served it with butter, and it melted in my mouth. I mentioned that I had NEVER had such tender cauliflower.....and they looked at me with this strange expression and said (in french but I'll translate) C'est ne pas choufleur - its not cauliflower - c'est cervelle - Cervelle? I asked? C'est quoi, cervelle? What is 'cervelle'? They looked at me incredulously and replied " Brains..calf brains" *cut to Huntress turning green* (FYI- to add insult to injury..Im a vegetarian!)

[OIFVet]

That is one meal I did not get to eat in Iraq! Don't know how I would have handled that. Great story though. Tom

[Joan]

Last year when my boyfriend, Jimmy was in the DMZ (Korea), he and his guys were dying for some pound cake. They had been eating the local food for quite a while and wanted some southern cookin'. So, like a good little army girlfriend I baked one, wrapped it up real good and mailed it. Of course, that would be the package that gets lost in the mail. When it finally arrived, over a month later, they devoured the cake, mold and all. They said it was still better than the local fare they had been eating. One thing about the Army, I suppose, it definitely exposes you to new cultures/cuisines.

[NYgirl]

makprofesionals: Did you ever ask that question from Saddam? How about from a terrorist who straps him-self with explosives & walks into a group of kids? Did you ever ask that question from a Taliban or Iranian mullah who sentenced a woman to death for adultery by stoning? T6, great post. How me belly laughing. Iraqi cuisine sounds a lot like Afghan cuisine :-) God bless & thank you. Sorry you have to sacrifice for guys like mak. They don't speak for all of us.

[SGT Jeff (IRR)]

I think I'd stick the the Schwarma/Donar Kebab/Gyro's....

[DaveK]

Brings back memories of a few years that I lived in Saudi Arabia... I was quite amazed to learn that you can get to the brain (a great "delicacy" that I've never learned to appreciate) without any man-made tools. You can use the jaw-bone to pop open the skull, and... Voila! sheep's brain, ready to eat! Quite an amazing little trick. And, yes, the eyeballs are also a delicacy that I always gave a pass. DRK

[Kristin]

LOL! This is great! I sat here with a wrinkled grimace on my face almost laughing wondering how he could have possibly sat there and felt as he watched that host pull meat from his plate. *Blech!* Guess it just goes to show how different our cultures are. I'm sure in the states, some of the things we eat are rather "debateable" to. :) Great story though! Although, just gives me more reinforcement for being vegan! :) Thanks for the story Thunder 6! I truly great read as always!

[Toni]

T6-this reminds of the Swedish buffees at a couple of churches at my home town. They had a couple of dishes (don't remember the names) with cows brains in them. Just looking at it made me gag. As another thought in reading this I thought of the SF guy in Afghanistan who chronic wasting disease from eating with locals. He went thru a horrendous time because his behavior changed so dramatically and was not diagnosed correctly. I am not sure what his status is today. I'll have to see if I can find anything on him.

[Jason]

Sounds like something I gotta try... must be the chinese in my blood. oh, and balut just tastes like a crunchy hard boiled egg. nothin special.

[Gypsy]

This story is gonna do wonders for the diet. :o LOL!

[Dave Dawson]

Always a great story. Hey there is Rocky Mountain Oysters and Menudo, it's all a matter of taste. (Which in sheep's heads, I think would be bad.) Stay safe and keep up the great stories and good work. Dave

[kelly]

Hi T6, Wow, Now i have even more reasons to admire you and your soldiers. I have heard that if you refuse to eat a meal offered in another country it is considered an insult to the ones who prepared the meal, It sounds to me like the Iraqi's who prepared the meal were probably anticipiating the reaction and were very gracious as were you all and your handling of the situation. I am going to be visiting Egypt in December, i will be sure that I remember this story, with urgency! Take care, be safe and remember, we support you! kelly

[devildog6771]

I used to eat at a sub shop in Alexandria. On one occasion he invited me to eat with him and some friends. The meal, among other things, consisted of goats eyes roled in fig leaves. I couldn't eat them. But I did eat everything else. [I also turned down an offer to marry his friend's cousin!] As I read your comments I remembered that meal and ny shock when I found out what delicacy lay on my plate, I have had "souse" homemade. It was good. I could nevber eat what is sold in the stores. What a wonderful story today,.t really is quite an honor to be served such a meal. You really handled it very well.

[Chevy Rose]

Your story also brought back memories of watching my grandpa eat the heads of squirrels he had shot, with scrambled eggs. And ofcorse being on their farm, granny made Hog headcheese. Glad to say, I just could never hold another bite after my biscuit and apple butter..... I put that stuff on my list of "NOT FIT TO EAT" list, in with fish eggs, bull balls, yard eggs, and boogers. God bless and stay safe.

[Edward]

T6, If you ever get to the Philippines, beware of a dish called "Balut". It is fertilized duck egg, well developed. Best eaten in the dark, and you don't have to swallow the tiny little beak.

[Paul5388]

Everyone has probably eaten things just as bad, you just didn't know it, because it wasn't looking us in the eye! There's "mystery meat" in Vienna Sausages and weiners for sure. Potted meat we don't even want to talk about! How about hog guts, whether we call them "chittlin's" or "natural casings" for sausage? Take care T6 and don't ask what's in the MREs!

[Agnieszka O.]

hehe...I'm glad that I've read this long after dinner. I need to go to make some hot tea now :-)

[Mary]

My grandparents had a little farm in Ohio. After butchering a cow my Grandmother would make something called "head cheese". It was made with bits of meat taken off of a boiled cow head. You (it's not my thing) can buy the stuff in most delis. My main reason for writing - THEY LEFT THE WOOL ON?!!

[Carl D. Blyth, Sr.]

I am surprised that the Army did not prepare you for such a thing at your activation. Certainly we have Army cooks that look forward to the challenge of a well cooked meal a la Iraq. I remember that I had one or two meals during my Army dayst that looked as though it was road kill! I was taught that when faced with an impossible food at a banquet, try to eat a small portion of the food at least. YUK! I just wonder a little bit about CPT Mac...if I were you I surely would be very watchful in his presence! LOL I will have to assume that there is some sort of Award out there for such a brave fellows who actually indulged themselves. In the spirit of the governmental penchant for acronysms appropo to this situation, the high command should name it the - Victorious Operational Meritorious Iraqi Trophy, don't you think?

[Yankee PaPa]

..Puro cachete..Stopped in and visited with a spanish speaking congregation one time while they were preparring a noon meal..Yep..Right there if front of me..Four fully cooked cow heads..I wasn't startled..at least they took the hide off..But I got the same kind of reaction..For them it was a delicacy and couldn't wait for what they told me were B-B-Q'ed tacos..I was invited..but being on the job at the time..bowed out as I had to return to work..But it didn't sound all that bad..I think I would do a cows head before a sheeps head..When in Rome 6..Stay Safe..

[Wendy Smith]

As always a great story! I guess it just goes to show what true soldiers you are! And I agree with the fear factor statement made above, that would make for a pretty gross show! Carry on soldiers, your doing us and our country a great service!

[Allicadem]

That story is awesome! I don't know what the hell I would have done!!! You rock!