Id al-Fitr

     One of the last missions CPT Mackinnon talked about was a goodwill mission to help the shantytowns celebrate Id al-Fitr, the closing days of Ramadan. Id al-Fitr is a joyous celebration that roughly approximates Christmas in both festivity and mirth, and CPT Mackinnon wanted to help the poorest of the poor celebrate in grand fashion.

     And so on the day of ID al-Fitr we found ourselves loading our HMMWVs with boxes of dates, stuffed animals, soccer balls and candy. Loading up all these presents should have been a carefree process - but the wounds we had suffered were still suppurating. Our recent losses still boomed in our collective memory, and the constant hammering on our heart’s door seemed to poison the joy we should have felt.

     As I watched our soldiers finishing preparing the loads their haphazard motions belied their discomfort, as if their actions were physically manifesting the turmoil in my own heart. For in those few minutes I was of two minds. The hard edged part of my being, the warrior spirit chiseled into the granite of my soul, recoiled at this mission of mercy. I barely recognized that shadow of my own consciousnes, it was too clotted with wrath to appear familiar. Its inchoate screech battered my will with naked fury – and with every hot beat of my heart I heard it cry out its need to ensure justice for our fallen.

     The song of blood battered that still, focused part of my being that understood the importance of this mission. Even in the midst of the torrential onslaught it remained true, as if it were a relentless compass needle heeding only the soft field lines of conscience. The battle does not always go to the strong, and in that inner struggle it was the quiet voice of reason that prevailed over the ravenous anger. By time the HMMWVs were loaded I was no longer conflicted – I knew what my duty was. We had come to Iraq to build a more secure future for the country, and this mission was as good a start as any.

     After the mission brief I pulled together the patrol and came clean, admitting my own struggle to unclench fists balled with anger. I could have just ordered the troops to pass out the gifts - they are disciplined to carry out orders they don’t agree with. But in my heart I knew that was just the easy way out, the last recourse for a poor leader. Instead I put into words the thoughts hanging over all our heads. My words didn’t provide any real insight, and they didn’t soothe old wounds.  They just reminded these hardened troops that we weren’t here to bring the law of the sword, but to seed a friendly area with hope. In the end the only thing that would permanently undermine the AIF would be our mercy and goodwill. CPT Mackinnon believed this to be true until his dying day, and I would not dishonor him by abandoning his mission. With that said we loaded into the vehicles and sped towards the shantytowns.

     As we drove into the first village I wondered if my words were worth the breath in my lungs, or if they had died in the space between my lips and their ears. Doubt crept into my thoughts for the first time, and I wondered if I even believed myself. As we dismounted several children came running out to meet us, dressed in their finest clothes. The moment I watched the first throng wash up the doubt disappeared, melted away by the exuberance of these happy upturned faces. As we walked along the village passing out small gifts to the children I looked around and noticed our soldiers were all smiling. The gunners still tracked their sectors with practiced care, but the troops walking the streets reflected the sea of joy around our convoy. Although the area was too poor to have any holiday decorations it seemed like everyone was dressed in their finest clothes. Men wore clean sets of clothing, and their wives were dressed in bright patterned burkhas as garish and jovial as a Hawaiian shirt. It seemed like every woman in the village was painted with thick coats of makeup, a subtle difference that stood in sharp contrast to the roughshod appearance of their patchwork homes. At a few of the homes I gathered together the families and snapped a Polaroid snapshot and handed the photo to the family patriarch. That simple gesture brought tears to several sets of eyes, photographs were obviously rare treasures in these bustling neighborhoods. By time our HMMWVs were emptied entire communities were laughing and cheering, and my soldiers looked over their work with justified pride. We returned to the FOB far stronger then when we left it.

Comments

[devildog6771]

This by far your best post I have read. I find myself at a loss fo words to say more. God Bless you all.

[membrain]

Thank you.

[Melinda]

What a beautiful and poignant post...the rollercoaster of emotions involved in your duties is so intense. We at home appreciate your attention to detail, your willingness to push ahead even when your heart questions it and your presence for the children. I have longed believed that it is the memories you help make for them that may lead their future to a more peaceful place.

[;ramon zuniga]

God Bless you! Thank you for your service, you are indeed a true heroe. Ramon

[CJ]

Well Done! This is such a beautiful post. Thank you for your honesty and for your committment to something because it was the Right thing to do. God bless you all beyond measure--He is proud, you can be sure of that! (CPT McKinnon would be too!)

[Weaser]

Thanks Danjel, what a bitter sweet recollection of your day. I pray God blesses you and your team and keeps you all safe, so your hearts can begin to heal.

[Dennis]

Kudos, Danjel. Your admission about your struggle and reminder about the real mission was essential. The losses you took naturally weigh on soldiers; they need the positive reenforcement that you provided. This leaves no doubt on expectations and shortstops soldiers allowing themselves to fall victim to revenge. Keep up your excellent and tell your soldiers how much we appreciate them. Believe it for yourself, too.

[Curt]

Captain; Your story speaks of victory at several levels: You and your men overcoming a desire for "payback" and then that of showing that the people there are seeing a new way to live. Thanks for your service, and your self control.

[Lenny]

You demonstrate over and over the courage to make decisions which cut to your heart. Strong you must be, God messengers through you. You touched the hearts of those people, to over come such pain and bring such happiness. That can only be done by a strong man who triumphant's over the crushing weight of loss.

[Sgt. B.]

(re: Email) Told ya! *smug grin*

[Mark]

T6--Thanks for your brutal honesty. I cannot imagine the pain that you and your men are going through, nor the tough mission this was. You, and the above, are so true in that a manager forces followers, and a leader invites them. You not only have a warrior's heart, and a leader's heart, but also a servant's heart. Not too many people in the world have all three. And you are correct: sometimes a stuffed animal is as powerful as any weapon in your arsenal. Stay safe-hit 'em hard.

[David]

Sir, you never cease to amaze me! As Beth said, it certainly appears that Capt McKinnon knew exactly what he was doing and you are the perfect man to follow in his footsteps.

[Patrick]

You and your men are truly inspiring. The fact that you continue to do great work despite everything that has happened is a wonder to me. Your writing continues to be first rate. Jimmy Valvano (basketball coach at NC State) appeared on ESPN as he was battling cancer and said there are 3 things you should do every day 1. think, 2. laugh and 3. have your emotions moved tears. Your posts always make me think, Many have made me laugh and most have result in a tear or two (or more). Thank you for everything you do for your men and your country.

[Beth* A.]

Someone (a milblogger, in all likelyhood) wrote once about what makes a military leader someone others will voluntarily follow into Hades is that he doesn't B.S. his men, but tells it like it is. They will always respect you for honesty, even when it conflicts with the 'party line'. Doesn't make the duty/mission go away of course, and there are parameters, but human beings always appreciate knowing 'why' they are doing something, even if they don't (aren't required to) agree. You obviously know this, Cpt. Bout, even if you had doubts for a bit about the effect. *** As for the rest, it's just supposition from someone who knows of him only through your own pure words, but I'd like to think CPT McKinnon handed you all a gift to ease the tightness of your grief some, by being the inspiration for a duty none of you thought you wanted but that turned out bringing some things you all NEEDED; warm smiles, sincere appreciation of your presence, the carefree innocence of children. Mercy and goodwill - both given and received.

[MBDonaldson]

Very well done, Thunder 6. I'm sure the Iraqi people will remember the kindness of our military for many years. Keep the faith!

[Gypsy]

The children...how they soothe the soul during tough times. As difficult as it must have been to muster up for this goodwill mission, you touched the folks of this community and I think they touched you all too. Nothing can take away the grief, anguish and anger you have experienced from the losses of your Friends and Brothers. But my prayer is that each Soldier's heart took its own picture that day and brought a personal moment of healing as well. All of you make us proud T6, thank you.

[Bernajoux]

Great work T6. Your words truly capture how peace is going to have to come about. Beautifully written and well done. Come home safe and soon.

[dad]

You all make me proud to be American, Americans lead the way.