Last Days at the FOB

Every goodbye is the birth of a memory

                                Dutch Proverb

     What was to be our last day at the FOB started with pregnant drops of rain sizzling through the predawn darkness. They fell in a tumbling cascade, slowly gathering strength until the air was thick with water. The first few drops of rain splattered into the dust like micro meteorites, sending tiny puffs of dust into the air from their sudden impact. For the first few minutes the air was filled with a strange elemental alchemy – the elements of water, earth, and air all defending their respective domains. Eventually the rain turned into a torrent, and the fallow dust yielded, transforming into tarry pools of mud. Just like a year ago.

     The mud is the same, the high walls still grope for the sky, even the wind tastes the same as when we arrived. But I am not earth, nor stone, nor air. I am creature of blood and bone… and I have changed. I am leaving this FOB a different man then the one who arrived at these chill gates those many months ago. I’ve sipped from the poison chalice of loss. Felt my veins run with chill blood and my face streak with hot tears. And I’ve watched as the reaper’s scythe whistled through the desert air. Mortal things cannot brush shoulders with eternity without bearing the psychic scars of their meeting. And so I am changed... both inside and out.

     I have aged and weathered under the sun’s fierce glare, my face creased with worn lines as faulted as the sun splintered fields. They remind me of the fearsome toll every one of us paid. I don’t mourn their arrival, they are the outward manifestation of those ethereal scars the crease my soul. It seems somehow fitting and proper that I be left with a physical reminder of what was lost… and what was gained.

     Do not mistake my words. I am not broken, nor am I damaged. The story of our mission is not a tragedy, despite our losses. The deepest etchings on my soul, the ones that will remain in both this life and the next, were the incandescent examples of valor, courage, and brotherhood I witnessed each and every day. The men who served at my side were bound to me, and I to them, with tidal forces that have no equivalent in the sterile formality of the living world. Back home the concept of "self" is a rigid construct, a domain mapped with the formality of a land agreement. But here on the bleeding edge we became more something greater than our individual parts. We became a family.

     Our time in Iraq is drawing to a close. Our bags are packed. The sun is about to set on our 18 month deployment. And now that we aren’t in daily contact I’ve found my feelings centered on the fierce and solemn pride at having served alongside so many bright souls.

Comments

[Marcus]

This is really incredible to read, your actual thoughts as a soldier. It is just so crazy to think about what it must be like in a combat cituation. The line where you talked about how the brotherhood you saw will stick with you more than the horror you had seen was without a doubt one of the most amazing things ive ever read.

[Remy]

Great blog. I think these posts help those of us who haven't been involved in the military have a better understanding of what those in the armed forces have to deal with on a daily bases. It shows why our troops deserve our full support. Thank you for your service and your inspirational writings.

[Jenna]

The bond between you and the men you served with is phenomenal, and I hope you keep that love in your heart forever. Stay well, and enjoy your homecoming.

[Gear Adrift]

Great Blog, I just added your feed.

[Josh]

God bless all the solders!

[Josh]

God bless you all!!

[Josh]

God bless you and all of our solders!

[Cynthia in Oregon]

I want to make my voice heard for my unwaivering support of our Armed Forces for their efforts in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere around the world. Please do not let the media in all its forms cause you to forget those of us at home that believe in you and the cause at hand. The Silent Majority are with you solidly. Thank you all. We at home keep you in our hearts and minds

[FLOOD]

Sir, Welcome home. I regret that my service with you was short, but I am certainly proud to have served under you. You are an outstanding officer and an even better person. Our unit is lucky to have an excellent leader such as you. I do not think I could have had a better role model during those times. Thanks sir.

[Joanne]

Proud of you.

[MissBirdlegs in AL]

Hey, Hey, HEY!! Best pics you've ever posted! Welcome Home, Sir! My best to you and yours for the future. God Bless! Katy

[David M]

You all look great! Wonderful job and best wishes on all you do in the future!

[Trang Beardsley]

Danjel, Welcome home:) Thank you for sharing your blog with us. Love to you and your wife.

[AFSister]

Just noticed the homecoming pix! HOW CUTE IS THAT! *love* the kiss. LOVE IT! Welcome home!

[Tabitha]

I just want to extend a deep heartfelt thank you to you and all of the men and women who have served our country proudly and who have fought the fight and done that which not all of us could do for ourselves. GOD BLESS YOU. You are loved by so many of those lives who you have touched without even knowing.

[Karin]

T6: Welcome home to a hero! Words can't say enough how thankful and appreciative I am, not only for your selfless service, but for your allowing us to come along with you through your heart rendering words and thoughts from a true poets heart. May you get the well earned rest and family time you so richly deserve. May God bless and keep you always in the palm of His hand.

[Pam in Fresno]

Thank you for allowing us to come along for the ride--there have been joys and there have been sorrows but the greatest joy for me is knowing that men like you and your brothers live. I wouldn't be sitting behind my keyboard expressing my humble opinion without men such as you. Thank you is such an inadequate word for your sacrifice. It's the only word I know. Thank you for being of service. Thank you for your courage, conviction, persistence, loyalty and the gift of sharing your life. I will continue to hold you and your family in my prayers. God speed and hurry home to one of the top three beautiful places on the planet! And may God continue to bless you and hold you in the palm of his hand.

[David Earney]

Congratulations on your safe return. With luck the troop reductions mean you won't have to face another 365 and a wake up.

[Sisyphus]

Welcome back! Well done. Family time and may all the beer be "on the house."

[Theresa, MSgt, USAF (ret)]

Safe journey and thank you.

[Beth* A.]

So it IS true? REALLY, REALLY!?! If so, a hardy 'WELCOME HOME, DANJEL BOUT'!!! I couldn't be happier for any other human being on the planet today! REST. BREATHE. RELAX with your family. And Decompressssss.....

[Huntress]

WELCOME HOME FRIEND. Mission Accomplished. Well Done. Now fall out and fall in on your family.

[toni]

T-6 WELCOME HOME. Your thoughts and words have brought me to tears many atime. I thank you and your guys so much for your sacrifice and service. I am so happy you are on your way home.

HOME!!!!!!!!!! hOOha Hit Reno in October. Huge Bloggers convention

[Pamela aka "Atlas"]

Danjul, Just got your package. Moved to tears Gd bless you and killer company. So proud of you. I am humbled (and thats a tough thing to do) MWAH Pamela